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| Cute. |
That's basically been my facial expression for the past two days.
Yes... I am an ugly, blubbering crier.... who can't say goodbye.
I've visited England 4 times. I went to a university 7 hours away from home. I haven't spent any decent amount of time in one place since I was 17. And I still have not mastered "the goodbye".
People always try to make it better by saying "Oh, it's not goodbye, it's see ya later!" I'm sorry, but that doesn't make me feel any better!
I don't think about the positive things. I don't think about "how the time will fly" and how "happy I'll be once I'm in England." Instead, I think about how this sucks right now to say goodbye to my home, my best friends, and my whole life.
And don't get me wrong, I'm excited. I repeat. I. AM. EXCITED! And once all the goodbyes are done, I'm golden! You can't get me on that plane fast enough! It's all that anticipation that's the hardest.
I used to do this pattern of spontaneous ugly crying before leaving the Fiance and his family. Seriously, I was always a mess my last few days in England. Little things like walking to ASDA or pouring (read: drowning) vinegar on my chips just sent me into an emotional, crying wreck.
I warned you. I'm a crier.
Now the roles are reversed. I don't know the next time I'll be here, and that makes me sad. So what do I do? I spontaneously ugly cry while riding my bike or eating dinner.
THIS IS SO NOT NORMAL!
Last night my three best friends threw me a small going away party.
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| Surprise! We're going to feed you enough junk food and margaritas until you can't get on the plane! |
The second I walked into their house and saw this I burst into tears. Seriously, one of them even asked "How the hell do you just start crying instantly?!" What can I say, it's a gift!
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| How am I supposed to not cry at this?! |
I'm so lucky to have such great friends, which makes leaving that much harder.
But I have such a great Fiance and family in England, which makes going that much easier.
I guess I will see you all on the other side.... Literally! The other side of the pond! Unless I drown the east coast with my tears, which is quite the possibility at the rate I'm going...
Any last words before I officially become an expatriate?? Bring extra wellies? Say to-MAY-toes as many times as possible? Put endless amounts of ice in my drinks before that dream is crushed? And tell me I'm not the only one that's bad at goodbyes!
I really thought I posted this comment earlier, but then I went back and couldn't find it, so here goes:
ReplyDeletebeing an expat is all about feeling contradictions.
you'll be excited and sad at the same time. you'll be homesick and happy at the same time. you'll love your new life and miss your new life - all at the same time.
and not only is that okay... but it's totally normal. and, in time, you'll start to feel slightly less schizophrenic, I promise! but let yourself have all of those feelings while they're happening, because otherwise they'll be impossible to process.
and don't worry about getting good at goodbyes. it won't happen. that's a good thing!
so many happy thoughts being sent your way!
It's the hardest thing to do, isn't it? It never gets easier but intense feelings of all kinds are what make us feel alive. This is a huge transition but you will only be made stronger for going through it. I totally agree with what Betsy's said!
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the other side of the pond!! And remember that you're not alone. Welcome to a great adventure!!!
xoxo
Selena